Don't Piss Off Kakuzu
by Nagato - Leader of Akatsuki
Summary: Hidan, Kakuzu, Ino, Sakura. Their version of events in Kidnapped By Akatsuki.
1. Chapter 1

(Hidan)

I was lying in bed, sleeping. I'd woken up a minute ago and had opened my eyes to see Sakura and Ino awake and talking quietly to each other. I would never admit it to anyone but I think I already like them. Kuzu was not inside the room. I smirked and rolled over, closing my eyes again.

A few minutes later though I felt my bed being shaken. "Wake up Hidan." growled Kakuzu.

"In your dreams." I yawned. "I'll get up at ten and that's it!" I wriggled into my bed just to have my covers torn from my body. I shivered from the cold.

"I _said_ 'get up'." I yawned again.

"Screw you Kakuzu. I _said_ ten." I clenched my eyes closed when I felt my body being moved. I'd gone to sleep in nothing but my boxers. Removing the covers from me was not a good idea. "Kakuzu why are you making me be immodest?" SMACK! "GAH!" I opened my eyes to see I was over his lap. "What the hell do you think you're doing?!"

"You know the rules Hidan." Kakuzu growled. I struggled on his lap.

"Okay! I'll get up!"

"And stop swearing or I'll stuff a bar of soap in your mouth." I chuckled. Before I felt a rather fierce swat to my thigh.

"AH! Okay! I'll stop swearing!" For now. I felt myself be shoved off his lap.

"You're lucky I don't have time to discipline you fully. Leadersama wants us for breakfast. Then we're supposed to be going on a man hunt. _Now_ _get_ _dressed_." He growled the last part, making it clear that was a demand. I stood up and put on some pants before putting my cloak on. Kakuzu gave me a studying look before turning away.

"If you're going on a man hunt does that mean we're coming?" asked Sakura. I looked over. Kakuzu had left the room, leaving me to get the girls ready for breakfast. Damn you Kakuzu.

"Yes. You're part of the team aren't you? Unless you're a Genin. Then you have to stay behind. Chūnin and above are good. I heard you two were Jōnin. You should be fine. There's no one out there stronger than the Akatsuki. Now if you're not dressed for breakfast I suggest you do so. You took baths last night so it won't take that long."

"What? It takes time to look as beautiful as I do. I need thirty minutes."

"You have ten minutes. You can finish up _after_ breakfast. Before the mission." I replied, picking up my scythe. I began to clean it from any dust it might have acquired over night. In no time they were ready. I put my scythe down.

"Who are we 'hunting'?" Ino asked.

"I know only as much as you two do. That we are doing it. You don't disobey Leadersama without huge reprecussions. I suppose this will feel like an adult mission. I hope you two are prepared."

"Team Seven had an S rank mission back when we were Genin."

"To the Mist Village? Yeah, I know. Zabuza told me. I've talked to him. I wanted to meet Kisame's brother. However, the missions Akatsuki go on are worse than two ninjas who actually know what their doing. I heard about Gaara. I'm surprised Naruto beat him. Gaara has had his fair share of murders." I opened the door to the dining room and gently pushed them both in. "We're here, where's the food?" I said.

"We're setting it out now." Leadersama said. "Just wait." We sat down and when Konan set the last plate down and she sat down Leadersama spoke up. "The man hunt is for Sasuke Uchiha. Shushi noticed he was missing a few minutes ago. He retrieved Itachi and Madara and even they couldn't find Sasuke after a thorough search for him through the building and outside. I'm searching the village right now."

Most of the kids freaked, the only ones not to were Sasori's. He must be proud. "Shut up!' I told Sakura and Ino. "We'll find him. Right Zetzu?" Zetzu smiled, showing his pointy teeth. "Just don't eat the kid. I like him. If you do I'll have to goldy locks you." I smirked. I meant gut him and take Sasuke out before sowing Zetzu back up. Zetzu glared at me.

"I dare you to try." I smiled.

"Really?"

"Stop it you two." Leadersama said. "Are you two even paying attention?"

"Make that a 'were'. Hey Konan. You look hot today." I smiled at her.

"If I were you I would stop while I was ahead." Kakuzu whispered. " _He_ will take the time out of his day."

"As I was saying, Itachi has just informed me that if Sasuke is indeed not in the Rain village then he has either gone to the Leaf village or the Sound village." I don't know how he expects us to be able to catch him if he's gone that far. Or is he headed there?

"If I may?" Sasori spoke up. I just realized we're having a meeting at breakfast… hilarious.

"You may Sasori."

"I have a spy working for me who lives with Orochimaru, so if Sasuke returns we'll know."

"Are we supposed to be talking about this in front of the kids Leadersama?" Kisame asked.

"He is one of them, they deserve to know what happened to their team mate. Thank you Sasori."

"Don't try cutting us out of this, you blue jerk!"

"Naruto, leave Kisame alone." I laughed.

"Ha! You got told by Leadersama."

"Really Hidan?"

"You forget he has the maturity level of a ten year old."

"Hey, I resent that Kakuzu!"

"Well it's true." Zetzu stated. I saw Pein rubbing his forehead. He sighed.

"Will all of you just be quiet?" Sasori asked. Then Deidara laughed. Sasori gave him a look that made him shut up and look nervous. Itachi was just calm as calm can be. Like always. "What do you want to do Leader?"


	2. Chapter 2

(Sakura)

I was worried about Sasuke. Has he really gone back to Orochimaru? Even after being reunited with his family? Does he really plan on attacking the Leaf? I hurried to walk behind… Leadersama? And Konan and Sasori. I really must say Sasori looked like an older Gaara. Well he looks young. Like not even thirty years old.

Leadersama had orange hair that was spiky and pointed here and there, kind of like Naruto. He was apparently in charge of the whole of Akatsuki who, now having seen them all together, most seemed to act… well not childish but not mature either. Maybe the word I am looking for is immature? Either way, I feel bad for him having to deal with all of them every single day.

Konan had blue hair.. or purple. I can't tell. But she's pretty. I got to know her when I was helping her cook breakfast. Hidan had still been asleep when I did so. Ino helped too. So since Kakuzu… who seemed to be in charge of the team that he, Hidan, Ino, and I were on… let Hidan sleep for a while longer than us, I'm surprised that Hidan acted the way he did.

(Ino)

"How much longer? The longer we take, the longer Sasuke-kun will be in danger!" I screamed at Sasori. He looked at me sympathetically.

"Don't worry Ino. We will get Sasuke back. I promise. We sent Zetzu up ahead to go find the boy."

"You mean Sasuke! He's not just a boy! He's in grave danger!" I screamed at him. "So Zetzu or one of you have to find him! If I have to do it by myself-" The orange freak interrupted me.

"There will be no going on alone for you or anyone. Do you understand me Ino?" He said, looking straight at me. I glared at him. The purple haired girl put her hand on my shoulder.

"It'll be all right Ino. I promise. Leadersama, Sasori, and I are just as worried if not more than you are. It's Leadersama's job to take care of and protect those in the Akatsuki. Even the ones like Hidan." I looked at Konan, sighing.

"I'm still worried about Sasuke. What if he gets killed or hurt or-" She kissed my cheek. I blushed.

"Shh. I'm a Medic ninja. I can heal him if he's hurt. However, I can assure you that Sasuke will not be dead or murdered by Orochimaru."

"How?!"

"From experience Ino." Leadersama replied. Konan took her hand from my shoulder.

"You better be right!" He gave me a look but then went back to looking at the path we were taking.

"Watch your tone, Ino. It's tending toward the disrespectful side rather than the worried side. I do not tolerate disrespect from anyone, even the new Akatsuki." I heard Konan laugh.

"You mean Young Akatsuki." Leadersama sighed.

"No Konan. They are part of us."

(Hidan)

"Damn it Kakuzu! I'm fucking bored! We've not stopped once! How do you explain that?" I demanded.

"Because this time it matters if they're dead or not. And he's not just staying still. He could be on the move as we speak Hidan. Now shut up and move it."

I glared at him. "Orochimaru's not going to kill Sasuke! He wants Sasuke's body! I know that! You know that! We don't have to keep moving! We can take a fucking break! I mean, I usually get to sacrifice someone to Jashin coming and going! This is an outrage, as you would call it! The only reason I'm not breaking off from this stupid group is because I know Leadersama would be pissed and I really don't care for taking him on right at the moment. Or today for that matter and to hell if I am going up there to talk him into taking a fucking break from this charge after Sasuke. If Sasuke wanted to stay, he'd of staid! I remember when I first joined I didn't really care to join in the first place either! Nor did Deidara! I have a hypothesis! Leadersama can't bare the idea of someone denying him! He doesn't like being told no by anyone! Just like everyone else! I outta go up there and say so to his damn ugly face! See what he thinks about that!"

"SHUT UP HIDAN! I don't want to hear your dumb complaints! If you think it's so wise, why don't you go up there and say to his 'damn ugly face' that he can't take no for an answer? Or are you afraid he'll tan your hide the instant you do?" I glared at him.

"I'm not afraid of anything! I can't die, if you remember!" He growled at me.

"Then shut. Up."

"Why the fuck should I?"

"Because if you don't then I will request a break so that I can tan your hide until you don't want to complain over something you can't change anyway!" I threw my scythe at him but he grabbed it with one of his threads and he yanked me forward and smacked my ass.

"OW!"

"If you want more I suggest you continue." I stopped complaining and left Kakuzu to go to Kisame.

(Kakuzu)

We had come to a stop. "Everyone, we're going to go check inside to see if Sasuke's here." Leadersama called from up front. I headed inside with everyone else and started looking around the building for Sasuke even though part of me told me that Sasuke was not here.

I looked every where I could think of and ended up going farther and farther into the building and yet there was no sign of Sasuke. I was met with the others. We'd all ended up in the big room that was at the end, clearly Orochimaru's sleeping quarters. Madara slammed his fist on the wall.

"He's not here!" He yelled. Clearly this man was pissed.


	3. Chapter 3

(Kakuzu)

I was busy scouting and looking for left behind money in this place while Leadersama actually looked for clues where they might have gone. Hidan was watching Sakura and Ino as they tried to help by looking through anything left behind. Like blue prints or letters or something like that.

I found about thirty dollars in this whole room and about five times that in the other rooms. I was going to take down pictures to look for more money when Madara came rushing in and everyone turned their attention to him. I listened in on them as I continued my search. After all I wasn't getting paid to find Sasuke.

"Did you say footprints Madara?" Leadersama asked, eager.

"Yes." I grinned as I found a safe behind a picture. I began to try to open the safe to see its contents when they all started for the exit. I heard Konan clear her throat and I growled. I slammed against the safe and the door came swinging open, hard. I found bundles of money. I grabbed them all and hurried off after the whole of the Akatsuki.

Konan and I ran after them as they headed off to the East, following footprints. Does Orochimaru know that he left footprints? He had to. Otherwise it wouldn't be this easy to follow. Then that means that he has a plan.

I saw Hidan shove Kisame and I used my arm to yank him back towards our group. Hidan rolled his eyes. "Don't push it Hidan."

"We were just playing. After all who really wants-" I quickly shut him up.

"Shut up. There are Uchihas here." I said. I looked pointedly at Shushi, the closest one.

"Sasuke will come back. You guys are just over reacting. Yeah Orochimaru will try to control Sasuke but Sasuke's too much for Orochimaru to handle. Especially if Madara and Leader can't control him." I rolled my eyes at him. "Not even the Copy Ninja could control Sasuke. The Nine Tails can't control him so clearly this is a waste of our time."

"How does that work Hidan?" The best way to keep him from acting out was to talk to him about his crazy ideas.

"How? I'll tell you how! Naruto owns the Nine Tails and they had a small little _failed_ mission to bring him back to the Leaf Village, which I'm betting that even if they had that Sasuke would have been executed, and Naruto had to go so far as to actually let Nine Tails have control or something. He grew many tails from what the kid said and even then he couldn't keep Sasuke with him."

"Why do you think the Hokage would have executed Sasuke?"

"Treason."

"I don't believe Naruto about his fight to keep Sasuke in the Leaf Village. Besides for the fact that they almost killed each other using that rasengan and chidori tactic." Hidan rolled his eyes at me.

"Shows what you know. Why don't you ask Jiraiya then? Or get Leader to get the story from Naruto?"


	4. Chapter 4

(Sakura)

We'd been ordered to stay in the back for safety reasons. Naruto being Naruto had moved forward once Jiraiya, Konan, and Nagato were out of sight. I was looking around trying to figure out what I should do when I caught sight of something in the sky coming at me. I looked up to see Sasuke, ready to fight.

"Sasuke!" I shouted as he went landing on the ground. I tried to run to him but Hidan got in my way.

"No way, that kid wanted to kill you." He refused to let me run to Sasuke, slicing off a mens heads with his scythe.

"I don't care! Sasuke looks hurt!"

"Sakura." Came Kakuzu's voice as he defended one of my friends from a guy with a sword in his hands. "Listen to Hidan. This is a battle, Sasuke's going to get hurt. Did you think this would be a peaceful get together? Of course not, Orochimaru wants Sasuke almost as much as Madara does and he's not going down without a fight, and last I heard Jiraiya couldn't beat Orochimaru alone. Do you know what that means? Keep in mind, Jiraiya is a Sannin."

"Don't worry Sakura, we'll get Sasuke back." Ino said, smiling at me as she tried to attack an oncoming enemy who had gotten past Zetzu. Kakuzu quickly had him on the ground, begging for his life as he was slowly murdered by some technique Kakuzu had used.

"If you ask me, we should have left them at home. If their not going to fight, then what use are they?" Zetzu asked.

"It's not like we could go home, Zetzu." Kakuzu replied.

(Ino)

I watched as Gaara and his siblings slipped away from us to join the battle. I screamed when I saw Sasuke get hit. I ran toward him but Hidan stepped in my way and I ended up landing on my bottom. I glared up at him as I stood.

"Sasuke just got hit!"

"Probably by Madara. He's trying to restrain the kid, not kill him." I watched as Sasuke flew into sight and he came straight for Sakura again. I gasped, turning to look at Sakura, Hidan had ran and intercepted an attack on Hinata and Tobi. Tobi had been left beside us to help 'protect' us but every time he was attacked, he'd cry out for Leadersama to save him.

"Sakura!" I screamed, scared for her. I could tell Sasuke was planning on killing her because he was using Chidori! That technique is deadly! I screamed, closing my eyes in fear before I realized Sakura hadn't been touched. I opened my eyes to see Kakuzu clinging to Sasuke as they went higher and higher up into the sky.

Kakuzu dropped off when Sasuke shot fire down at him. Kakuzu countered with his own fire style move and landed safely on his feet.

(Hidan)

"Tell me again why we can't let them in the battle? I'm sure their not _all_ useless." I coaxed at Kakuzu.

"When Leadersama tells you to do something, you do it! When I tell you to do something, then _you_ do it! Now protect the kids!" He shouted furiously. I tsked.

"Temper, Temper Kakuzu." I scolded slightly. He glared right at me.

"Now is not a time for games!" He shouted. I threw my scythe at an enemy who was about to attack Tobi. Hm. I turned and counted them. We're missing at least four. I smirked. Oooo their in trouble. I cackled as I ran into the battle to find them.

(Kakuzu)

"HIDAN!" I shouted as he ran off. I froze when I saw a giant energy being appear out of nowhere. Madara or Itachi. I wanted so badly to run to see if Itachi was in danger but I knew better than to leave my post with these brats.


End file.
